Thanksgiving Break '15

At that point of semester when everybody's body and brain meter is about to explode, we finally get our fall/thanksgiving break. Especially after having a crappy weekend before, I badly needed some good time to recharge myself. I'm sure staying at home, eating and sleeping too much could be enough for that, but it ended up being more special because after vacillating till the last minute, I decided to go to Aly's for thanksgiving. And I'm really glad that I did :)

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11.23 Monday

What I was supposed to do by night - Laundry & packing

What I did - Went to concert, and fell asleep right after I got back :-/

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11.24 Tuesday

Since I didn't get anything done the night before, the morning started with jumping all around with laundry and things to pack. Packing for traveling isn't my most favorite thing, at least I don't have a story of packing perfectly in my history. Doing that before going to work was even worse. Again-

What I was supposed to do before going to work - Laundry & packing

What I got done - Piled up all the laundry on my bed and went to work :-/

Work was short and fine other than my brain panicking about packing. So, I had around an hour to pack after I got back home, and I DID it (well, actually took longer and overpacked as usual but Yay)! Finally we hit the road by 3pm, while it was still bright outside.

The journey was awesome! We had Max and Cosmo as travel buddies, too, and Max was super adorable snuggling against my bag. Of course we always have endless things to chat about, added to that was our "terrific" singing talent show (we were safe as nobody could hear us on the highway :p). And we watched a GORGEOUS sunset! It was a beautiful day, so the sunset was meant to be pretty. But it was way more beautiful than we could think of, and it looked pretty long after the sun was gone.

The trees look little blurry as we were moving fast but look at those colors! 

That pink flock of clouds was so gorgeous in real!

Max being a snuggle bear <3

After a great road trip we got home by anticipated time. Aly's parents got back after their "no-slack-November" workout. I already knew them, they really are some of the coolest and funniest parents I've ever met! We ordered three different types of pizzas including deep dish one for dinner. Aly's grandparents joined us for dinner too. They're also very sweet, and were totally fine with me invading the house! :p We had a wonderful time together with pizza, music and chatting next to the fire place.

Getting all cozy at his spot :)

11.25 Wednesday 

It was the preparation day for thanksgiving dinner. I tried to do little bit of work in morning while Aly was out for her appointments, but couldn't make much progress (I don't blame myself for that!). After she got back they started preparing everything. I was bored, so decided to invade the kitchen! With the direction of Aly's dad and the collaboration of Aly and I, we made the no-meat Turkey (The real bird wasn't there since the family is vegetarian). Aly and I also made puffed pockets of cranberry sauce with brie. It was really fun working in the Bell's kitchen, and I was honored with the title of "Honorary Bell" :)

No-meat-Turkey in progress

Later in the evening Aly's dad, Uncle Jim, Aly and I went to watch the new James Bond movie "Spectre" at the theatre, which I think was pretty good. I tried to work on few things after I got back and then we went out again later at night to meet some of Aly's school friends and her sister, who was coming home too. Another great day overall :)

The sky was dramatic that day, bringing all the rain

Summary: Three days of vacation - Points for getting work done - 0.5, Points for having fun - 100.0, Mood - Don't care anymore :-/

11.26 Thursday

The Thanksgiving Day. The plan was everybody would come around 2pm and then we'd have dinner. I was feeling like a lazy cat that morning, so was hanging around in my pajamas till noon, and actually got tiny bit of work done (like a drop in the ocean!). Then watched some episodes of FRIENDS thanksgiving episodes on TV, and changed to decent clothes!

The baked the puffs and the artificial bird, and set the table before meal. Besides all the Bell family members and I as honorary Bell, Kendal's friend Amen joined us for dinner. The food was great, and we all had lovely time together :) Especially the raspberry pie with vanilla bean ice cream was really yummy!!

The baked "Turkey"

Almost ready for dinner

Aly's parents and sister were leaving for a family trip that night. So, we had the whole house to ourselves till Friday afternoon. We promised to finish working on some stuff that night and on Friday. But I fell asleep, as usual :-/

11.27 Friday

The day to leave. It was pouring all day long, perfect day to stay at home. I finally finished one thing by afternoon after spending couple of hours. Then we listened to some music, had meal and watched FRIENDS little bit. Grandpa and Grandma kindly dropped us off at the station. Though we were heading to different places (Aly had to travel somewhere else), and usually they assign different cars, they let us sit together. So, we had a good time coming back together. Aly finished a book, I read few things and then we watched three episodes of FRIENDS (we're so productive) :p

That was supposed to be the end but wasn't! Totally forgot Chris was visiting home for thanksgiving, and he was coming to Champaign that night. So, met Chris and Benette in downtown Champaign at the Irish pub Dublin O'neil's right after. They have some really good food and drink including the mac n cheese, and their very special Flamed Irish Coffee. It's also great to watch when they make it. Honestly I ordered one just to see it again and take some photos :p But both the mac n cheese and the coffee was awesome! And most of all it was nice to catch up with old bud :)

Flamed Irish Coffee in progress

The end product

Overall, it was a great fall break, was nice to be out of town for a while, get a break from usual routine, and spend time with some really nice and caring people. And I'm really thankful to have such wonderful people in my life :)

First Snowfall of the Season

It started to look prettier by noon

Woke up to this beauty this morning, well, I would rather call it depressing beauty. First snowfall of the season is always pretty and special, but it was depressing to me because it's such a beauty that you want to share with someone, can be the special person, family, friends, pets or even your camera! All my life I was always very excited about snowfall, it used to make me the happiest. But wrapped up in the blanket in this cold morning, I was just staring outside blankly, while all the old memories inside my brain started to play the tunes of melancholia. 

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Looking back, every year since I moved to Japan snowfall used to be very precious to me. Playing with snow with friends, throwing snowballs at each other, or competing for the biggest snowman, so many beautiful memories.. And of course, however cold it was, I would always run outside with my camera. The last time I had such snow fantasy was probably in 2013. I remember we had unusually heavy snowfall in Tsukuba that year, and particularly one snowfall was very beautiful with big powdery snowflakes. My best friend Kotomi and I walked all around campus and took so many lovely photos. I remember the time we had almost 2ft snow. Stepping outside, barely able to walk properly, all excitedly the first thing I did was call my dad. He was in a meeting but he would always pick up my call even when he was busy, and not only be all excited about me enjoying the snow but would also make sure that I don't catch cold... I was happy then, and probably the last time when I felt that way. Funny how a single event, losing the most important person in your life can change our emotions so drastically...

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However, since I'm not my daddy's little girl any longer, and I need to act as a responsible adult by taking care of myself even though no one cares about me, I decided to go out to get some work done. By noon it started to snow more heavily and pile up though it was more of slush in morning. The neighborhood looked quite pretty, especially the colorful trees, so took couple of photos. But it was little windy and below freezing point, so couldn't take too many.

The combination of snow and colors is so pretty!

Later in the afternoon my friend Aly asked me if I wanna go to the dog park with her, and of course I said yes, cause I love both of her dogs, especially Max. Watching him playing in the snow was way too adorable :)

Then I went to gym later in the evening to release some endorphins to fight my depression, and was singing "Such a lonely day should be banned, It's a day that I can't stand"... Really every day should be just as beautiful and special as the snow crystals. Hoping for a better tomorrow.

One of my favorite photos from last winter's snowfall in Chicago

Fear of "What If"

"What if.."? - Let's face it, we all deal with questions starting with these two words everyday. From tiny matters like, "What if I forget about everything else and stay in bed all day today?" to important life altering decisions like, "What if I choose Ph.D over job?" Even Pooh bear has those days when he thinks, what if he faces those moments when he feels he's not strong enough, brave enough or smart enough? As we become adults we face these moments more, and start making anxiety and depression our eternal friends. 

But what are the underlying reasons behind this dilemma? After thinking about it for a while, I reached the age-old conclusion, it's the fear of failure. And what underpins that fear is the shame of not being good enough. Little kids don't feel it that strongly. As they learn to walk, they fall many times, but they never get afraid of falling and being hurt. They embrace that happily, and eventually learn to walk bravely. That's the beauty of careless childhood, but as we grow older and experience more, those fear of pain gets enrooted in our brain, and we're too afraid to face those vulnerabilities. We don't want any failure to cause disgrace to ourselves as that might make us less worthy of connection with other people. Sometimes we let that seed of "What if" sit in our brain and branch out so big that we're too afraid to take a new step, embrace a challenge, or just get out of our comfort zone.

I painted today, too, and named it "Dilemma". So which way will you choose?

It often gets me thinking, how to deal with these "what if"s of life, and the excruciating vulnerability? For me, the most important thing is to follow my heart, and do what really keeps me moving forward. Might sound cliche, but it's not an easy thing to do. As a strong believer in science, and being a person who tries to rationalize every single act, there're times when my brain and heart don't go along with each other. And that's the only solution I found to reach a fair decision in the battle ground between brain and soul - you prioritize things that make you happy, and you choose your life options based on that. Yes, one option can be better than another based on many factors, and different people will give you different suggestions based on their perspective of life. But the take out should be, put the things first that make YOU happy, and NOT the other person. We're all unique and have different perspectives towards life. So, it's important that we don't compare our lives with others but learn. 

Whenever I get hit by my inner vulnerability hard, I find myself getting back to Dr. Brené Brown's talk, "The Power of Vulnerability". I like the way she puts it in her talk-

Courage to be imperfect. The word courage originated from the Latin word "cor", and the original definition is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Let's embrace it, we're all imperfect in some ways, but not everyone has the courage to embrace the imperfection. And it's our duty to teach this to our kids from childhood - "You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you're worthy of love and belonging". That doesn't mean we should stop trying to overcome our imperfections, it means we should believe that we're enough.

Compassion to be kind to yourself and then to be others. And "When we work from a place that says, "I'm enough", then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves."

Connection as a result of authenticity, willing to let go who you think you should be in order to be who you are.

And most of all, fully embrace vulnerability. What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. It's the willingness to say I love you first, willingness to do something where there's no guarantee, willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. It takes courage to accept that fear of "what if", and as a result makes us stronger. 

I love these last few sentences -

To embrace vulnerability is to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen, to love with our whole hearts even though there's no guarantee, to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror when we're wondering, Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this? Just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, and because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." 

As for me, this is how I try to bring the war of heart and brain in peace - it's to remind myself that there's no single right way to lead our life or to do things, and there's nothing called ultimate perfection. There's no perfect place to live, perfect job to do, perfect person to be with. But it's us who find perfection hidden beneath those imperfections, it's us who decide we love that certain place, job or person for their perfections, along with their imperfections; and we know we can love them for how they are without willing to change them. And we should treat ourselves the same way as well.

Bath - One of the Most Beautiful Cities in Europe

This weekend was close to perfect for me and I can't remember when was the last time I had such a relaxed time! So, thought the perfect way to end this lovely weekend would be to write about another perfect Sunday :) This is on the beautiful city Bath - my last tourist destination in UK. 

I was super excited about the trip for every possible reason, not only because Bath is the most enchanting small city with fascinating history, but also to have a lovely company. Even though I enjoy traveling alone just as much, and the Manchester trip the week before was pretty fun, Bath trip reminded me that if you've the right trip partner, then that just doubles the fun! :)

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A little spoiler alert before we start our journey- most of my photos from this trip are a little tilted, not sure whether that's the result of over excitement :p However, I must say that the city itself is way more beautiful than my photos can depict!

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The reason I chose Bath to be my last destination was because it's very conveniently located, around 2 hours from Oxford, which is perfect for a day trip. Since that was my last weekend and had a lot of pressure to wrap up my project, prepare for presentation, and stuff like that, I didn't want to spend too long just riding in the train. Also, decided to randomly walk around the city and explore whatever seemed interesting. Besides browsing shops and restaurant, we ended up stopping by the Holburne Museum and the Roman Baths. I'll talk more about them later.

River Avon

As we walked into the city, we found the river front of River Avon, which is very beautiful and soothing. There were people enjoying river cruises but just standing there, enjoying the sound of water was as pleasant! Then the little theatre, coffee shops and restaurants were very pretty, too! I loved how the historic essence of the city was so well preserved, as if every little corner is telling you a story. Oh, and I found a perfect circle in the sky, too, and you can even find clouds shaped like two eyes, a nose and a lip inside that circle if you look closely! (I mean I did :p)

The Little Theatre

Cute terrace restaurant

That coffee shop had really interesting decors! There's a gigantic coffee cup on the table inside, too!

That circle in the sky!

Pretty city!

While walking here and there we randomly came across Holburne Museum. They had some quite interesting large-scale sculptures on display outside, so we decided to explore what's in there! It's mainly fine and decorative arts museum built around the collection of Sir William Holburne. I really liked their "Small is Beautiful" collection. And actually next year the museum will be celebrating it's 100th anniversary! So, it might be worth exploring if you're visiting Bath sometime next year.

According to the museum, Bath is one of the most beautiful cities in Europe 

The art gallery and the curious visitor :)

By the time we were done with the museum I was pretty hungry. So, we headed out to find somewhere nice to eat. At first we thought we'd go to that pretty terrace restaurant (I posted picture above), but then we ended up going to the restaurant close to station, which was pretty nice and fancy too! The food was good, except that I was a little surprised by the size of potato :p Cause when I read potato in the menu I was definitely expecting something more noticeable (given that it's UK)! But it was good and pretty filling for me :)

See if you can locate the potato! :p

After lunch we stopped by the cute little fudge shop. They give free samples if you walk in and also demo the making process. We decided to see the Roman Baths first and snack on them later as we both were pretty full after lunch.

Fudge store and me being the photo bomb :-/

The Roman Bath was stunning and worth visiting. It always feels so great to experience ancient history and not to mention, was fascinated by the architecture! The audio tour was great, too. Here are some pictures- 

Liked that quote!

Bath Abbey

Like every good thing, our fun time together also came to an end with the Roman Baths visit, and we headed back to our destinations. Luckily there was some more thrill left to my journey! I met a very interesting woman in train by chance, who was also traveling to Oxford. We had a wonderful time chatting. So, I gathered a lot of beautiful memories in one day that I can cherish till my next visit (well, let's hope that'll happen) :)